Ah... Memories.... Like the corners of my mind...
I've been trawling through my email account that I've had for YEA - ERS this week. The Pook is away and I am finally stricken with boredom. I even tried to get some driving lessons, but that has fallen through after a lengthy process that I have neither the inclination nor the ability to do justice here. Let's just say I may try again on Monday. I may not. It's been about 13 years since I learnt to drive and things are not going to be easy. It's going to be an experience worth preserving in blog form though. Lucky you.
But I digress, after I'd recklessly deleted lots of useful and important emails I found this folder called 'Jurassic Park'. (A little 'homage' to the great Alan Partridge there...)This was just one of the emails that made me laugh - a little tale from my first ever teaching job, nearly 10 years ago!! At this point you need to do the 'back in time' wavy hands/silly tune combo from Wayne's World. DO IT!!! It has been a fairly busy week at school. We had assessment week last week and I have been storing up all the marking to have fun with this weekend. Ugh. We also have our class assembly next Thursday and I don't fancy it in the slightest, I can tell you. Year three had their assembly today and I nearly died laughing. It was funnier than the reception one with the children with beards.
It was the story of David (Wearing a bizarre home-made cloak...) and Goliath.(Wearing a funny hat and what looked like a brown felt waistcoat on backwards, balancing precariously on a piece of the gymnastic equipment with a huge crash mat in front of him). The posh git who teaches Year 3 had brought in all this sound equipment and the kids had a microphone, all operated, wizard of Oz stylee by the teacher. Anyway, the thing is, they had a part in the play for God. They pointed out at the beginning that you couldn't see God, and that he was invisible... So, the play begins and all of a sudden God has a line....God's line is delivered through the PA system at about 8000 decibels. Plus there's a strange echoey quality to it.
It was like that bit in Eddie Izzard when he's explaining why they had those fancy illustrated letters in the alphabet to keep people awake. INTBEGINHENG...there was the word..." Remember? Everybody jumped! (For a second, I thought I'd have to rethink the whole religion thing...) It's at this point That I realise God is not - as I suspected - omnipresent, but a small boy behind a screen with a microphone and a woman telling him his lines. The Year 3 teacher quickly realised at this point that something needed to be done and made an adjustment that gave the impression that God's next line sounded like it was delivered from within a small box. At this point I lost whatever dignity I had left and had to have a small hysterical fit. Afterwards, you could hear God muttering unintelligably at times during the performance.NI
Anyway, it carried on from there in the style that plays that have too much technical eqipment and small children combined are wont to do. At least it looked good, even the bit where Goliath was felled to his crash mat by being missed by two sponges thrown at him from David's mysterious wicker handbag. (The symbolism of which I'm still not sure of....) For which he gained a loud round of impromptue applause from the parents. As I said to my class afterwards, I hope no one's expecting that from us... We're reading from sheets, singing a hymn and getting the hell out of there, pride intact. I hasten to add, I will not be doing hand actions to any of the hymns. The only hand gestures I do have no place in a Catholic school.....Labels: assemblies GONE MAD, first jobs
posted by Disco Stoat @ 9:52 PM
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