Five exciting ways to keep cool in the office.

1. Open the window. Attempt to cram your face, or at least part of it through the two inch gap until you are repelled by the pollution.

2. Take off your shoes and socks. Risk looking like a hobbit when you have to answer the front door.

3. Go out into the park and lie in the pond. Risk Weilles disease.

4. Put the fan on. Spend around 10 minutes trying to activate the ‘oscillate’ function by prodding at relevant switch with a pencil. Then sit and enjoy the refreshing sensation of losing an eye thanks to pieces of paper being whipped up tornado style and hurled into your face.

5. Roll up trousers. Ignore other office workers attempting to be funny by leaping up and shouting things like ‘Aye, aye Captain!’ and ‘Avast behind’ whilst you attempt to retain the tattered threads of your dignity.

Or most sensibly, call in sick and spend the day in the garden drinking Pimms. Which did I do? 1, 2, 4 and 5. I passed on 3 on account of not really fancying Weilles disease. But then if the temperature goes up any more I may be throwing caution to the wind.